Chapter 19

"So are you agreeing that you had sex with Carlos." Edward said accusingly.

"Forget this Edward." Carina growled.

She turned and ran. She pushed herself to her absolute extreme. She had to put as much distance between her and Edward. She started to use her old skills, the ones that she learned in Estelle's coven. It gave her a rush that she had forgotten. She made sure that no matter how hard anyone tried, they would catch no sent of her anywhere. She followed streams and rivers whenever possible. As she ran she avoided every low hanging branch and anything else in her way.

She vaguely noticed that the sky was changing color but she didn't care. She just wanted to get away. She finally stopped.

She reached the place she didn't know she was headed for. She stared at the house for a while. It was exactly like she remembered it. She went up to the house and knocked.

"Well this is a surprise."

"Hello Eleazar." Carina said smiling.

"Come in. Are the others coming?" Eleazar asked as he moved aside to let her in.

"No it's just me." Carina said walking in.

"Ok. I will just call them to let them know you arrived safely." Eleazar said carefully.

"Stop treating me like a runaway." Carina said smiling at him. "Here use my cell." Carina said handing him the phone.

"You are aware that there are over a hundred unread messages." Eleazar said. He gave her back the phone.

Carina called Carlisle with a private caller ID.

"Hello." Carlisle asked as he answered the phone.

"Carlisle."

"Yes?" He asked confused.

"Go to Esme's room. And closed the door. Keep your mind busy."

"Ok." Carlisle said understanding who it was. "Ok I'm in." Carlisle said. "Carina where are you. I have been worried sick."

"I'm here with Eleazar."

"Are you coming home anytime soon?"

"I don't know."

"Alright, we miss you. You are very fast by the way, it's only been over twelve hours."

"Yea, tell everyone that I miss them. I'll be home as soon as possible."

"Alright, sweetheart. Bye."

"Bye." Carina hung up.

"Everyone, Carina is here." Eleazar called.

The first to show up was Carmen.

"Hello mija." Carmen said hugging her.

"Hi, Carmen."

"Carina." Kate said happily running up to her and hugging her.

"Hey Kate."

"What are you doing here?" Irina asked.

"Long story." Carina said.

"We have time." Kate said.

"Alright." Carina said giving up after looking at everyone's face.

She told them about the fight with Edward. They all listened intently.

"Why would he be so concerned with your virginity?" Kate asked when Carina finished.

"Oh I forgot to mention, me and Edward are engaged." Carina said holding out her hand.

"Ok so you ran. How long are you staying?" Irina asked.

"I can't stay long, we have a human at home."

"You all live with a human?" Carmen asked.

"Is Jasper doing alright?" Eleazar asked.

"Yes we do. We took her in. And he's doing fine." Carina answered.

"Want to go hunting?" Kate asked.

"Sure." Carina said. Both of them excused themselves and went out of the house. After a while of running they stopped.

"Why didn't you answer Edward when he asked if you had sex with Carlos?" Kate asked as they walked at  human speed.

"Because we didn't. I never had sex with Carlos."

"If you're a virgin, why run and not tell Edward the truth?" Kate asked confused.

"I'm not a virgin though. I just never had sex with Carlos."

"Then who?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Ok, I won't ask again."

Kate ended her questioning. She didn't want to push Carina away.

Carina hasn't seen Tanya at all throughout her stay, not that she minded. Carina has been trying to stay out of everyone's way. Her usual spot was on the balcony of Kate's room. Carina did nothing but just stare at the sun setting and rising. On the third day Kate brought her a violin. Carina thanked her with a nod of her head and played a random tune.

It has been five days since Carina ran away. Kate decided to sit with Carina. Both vampires stared at the moon.

"This song is for you." Carina said. It was the longest sentence she had spoken her entire stay since the first day.

Kate smiled and listened to the song happily. It was weird to hear a song just for her because for some reason the song was her. It was amazing.

"That was beautiful." Kate said.

"Thank you. And thank you for being so patient with me." Carina looked at Kate before continuing. "The reason I didn't tell Edward who I had sex with was because I was pregnant at the time of my transformation."

"You were pregnant?" Kate said shocked.

"Yes. Seven weeks." Carina said fondly. Her eyes went out of focus as she remembered the last weeks of her human life. "I was with my fiancé. I was in an arranged marriage. Thankfully me and Thomás knew each other for our entire lives so when we heard of the plan we had no problem. We were to get married when I was twenty. Our parents weren't as strict on tradition as others of our time.

"So unlike the other girls of my age, I was allowed to go on dates with him on my own, without an chaperone. After one particular date with him, we kissed. It built until the next thing we know, we wake up in my barn, naked. We knew would be in trouble so we came up with cover stories.

"I got pregnant. I knew right away I was. I didn't tell anyone. My parents didn't find out until two weeks later when I had morning sickness. They were disappointed at first. They talked with Thomás's parents and they agreed to move up the wedding for just after my eighteenth birthday. I was grounded just over a month.

"On my first day of freedom I went to the woods. I didn't care if I was pregnant I wanted to be out in the open. After dinner that night I went over to a friend's house. I was there until ten and on my way home Carlos grabbed me from behind. And you know the rest."

"Why didn't you tell Edward this?" Kate asked shocked as she processed the information.

"Kate you are the only one that knows."

"For 92 years you haven't told anyone?"

"It's not like it would come up in a civil conversation. Not even Carlos knew."

"Well I think that you are being ridiculously stupid. Just tell him, he will understand. Not all secrets are meant to be kept."

"Tough love, I like." Carina said getting up.

"By the looks of it, I thought that you were glued to the seat."

"I though so too. Bye Kate. Tell everyone I said bye, just wait until I get home first. I'll call you." Carina said hugging her. Carina jumped of the balcony and ran.

This time she didn't care about not leaving a trail so she arrived home quickly. She was facing the back of the house. She focused long enough so she could tell that Edward was in his room alone. Carina climbed the side of the house. She went through Edward's window. The music in his room was playing so loud that he didn't hear her at all. She walked up to him stealthily. She looked at him. He looked so sad and lonely.

"Hey." She said as she turned off the music.

"Carina." Edward said. He quickly got off of his couch and went up to her. "What are you doing here?" He asked as he touched her cheek.

"I owe you an apology." She said. Edward opened his mouth to protest. "I really do. Let me get this off my chest. No I'm not a virgin. I also never had sex with Carlos. When I was human I had sex with my fiancé but accident one night. And I got pregnant. And I was transformed seven weeks later. My guess is that the baby dies in the transformation."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Edward asked hugging her tightly.

"I didn't know how. And I never told anyone before."

"No one?" He asked shocked, he held her at arms length and looked at her face.

"No one before today. Now you and Kate know."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine it's nice for me to finally tell someone."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll meet you in the living room." Carina said. She felt his hands involuntarily tighten around her arms. "Edward, I will always come back." Carina said looking up at him.

"Alright." Edward said letting her go. She kissed him and then jumped out of the window. She went to the front and knocked on the door.

"Hey Alice." Carina said, when the door opened.

"Carina!" Alice exclaimed. She hugged Carina hard. Then everyone was around Carina, hugging.

"Ok, people I need to breathe." Carina said, gently pushing everyone away.

"We've missed you." Esme said still hugging her.

"I've missed you all too."

"I'm glad that you went somewhere you were safe." Carlisle said.

"I'm so happy that you are back." Jen said hugging her. Then Jen yawned loudly. "I guess all this excitement has made me tired." Jen said. She said her goodnights and went to her room. They waited until they heard the click of the door close.

"Jasper why did you do that?" Carina asked.

"So that you can explain your little episode." He said.

"Ok," She said. She knew that as her family, they had a right to know.

"You were pregnant when you were transformed?" Carlisle asked.

"That's why you have such a soft spot for kids." Alice said understandingly.

"I was so looking forward to having a baby. I didn't care that I was only seventeen. I knew that this child would be the best part of my life. I wanted a girl so bad. I mean I even had a definite name for her."

"What name?"

"Ilaria."

"What if it was a boy?"

"I always liked the name Eduardo." Carina said smiling.

"Really?" Edward asked smiling.

"Yea."

"Were you  mad after you were transformed?" Esme asked, relating to her.

"No, I had been raised to think that if it didn't happen there was a reason." Carina said, there was regret in her voice.

"Wow." Jasper said.

"Yea."

**** A week later

"Alice this is the hundredth dress I've tried on." Carina said as Alice pushed her back into the dressing room.

"Alice don't you think that you have tortured her enough for one day?" Jen asked.

"No, she can deal with a little more torture." Alice said going to look at more dresses. Alice smiled when she saw a dress that was perfect. She put it over the dressing room door. Carina caught it. When she put it on she looked in the mirror that was in the dressing room. She loved it.

"I think that this is the one." Carina said getting out of the dressing room.

"You look stunning." Jen said.

"It's perfect." Alice said.

"It is so you." Rosalie said. Ashley and Brittany nodded.

"Screw Edward will you marry me?" Ashley said.

"Sorry taken." Carina said laughing with everyone else.

"So now that you have a dress, what the hell are we wearing?" Rosalie asked.

"Well according to my wedding planer I have nothing to do with my wedding besides showing up." Carina said looking at Alice.

"Hey you chose me." Alice said.

"True." Carina said. She went back to the dressing room to change. She came out with the dress folded over her arm.

"Carina look across the street." Rosalie whispered to her while Alice paid for the dress.

"Where?" Carina asked when she spotted him. It was Heath. Carina smiled. "Hey you guys go ahead. I feel like taking the bus." Carina said.

"Ok I'll put the dress in your closet." Alice said as they headed for the car.

"See you at home." Jen said.

Carina waited until all the girls were piled in the car and drove away to walk towards Heath.

"Hey." Carina said sweetly from behind him.

"Hey." Heath said. He turned to face her. He saw her and Carina could not only feel his fear but also smell it. "Look I haven't done nothing."

"I know. I just wanted to apologize." Carina said still in the same voice. She took a step forward. Heath would have stepped back if his back wasn't already against the wall. "I was little too tough on you. Don't you think?" Heath gulp, not sure how to answer. Carina could see the vein in the side of his neck. It was throbbing. She looked at his neck and could see a thin layer of sweat. He was shaking as the adrenaline hit his bloodstream. Heath didn't know why his body was reacting this way to a girl he could easily take if need be. Carina knew that it was his primal instinct. His ancestors knew what she was and his body knew to be afraid but he didn't.

Carina smiled up at him. He looked into her eyes and gulped again. Carina followed the movement. She could sense his confusion. He couldn't place why he needed to get away from her.

"Why don't you take me to your place and I can show you how sorry I am." Carina said looking up at him through her eye lashes.

This suggestion changed Heath's entire body language. He was no longer trying to disappear through the wall. He was now standing at his full height. Carina could see a different primal instinct taking over his body.

"Really?" He asked. He looked more like the first time she met him.

"Take me to your place and find out." Carina said trailing her finger down his chest.

"Right this way." He said placing an arm around her.

He lead her to a building that looked like a safety hazard. Once inside of his apartment Heath lost some of his confidence. He started to sweat again. The vein in his neck called to Carina more than it did outside.

The sent filled the cramped room. He couldn't smell it but it was all Carina could smell. It clouded her thoughts. She pushed him onto the couch. He fell onto it and stared up at her. She smiled and straddled his hips. She gently moved his head to the side. She kissed down his jaw line to his throbbing vein. She kissed the pulse at first laving it. She could feel him start to buck into her.

Then without any warning to either Heath or her, she bit down. Her teeth easily tearing the barrier that kept her from her prize. Heath shouted in pain. Carina placed a hand firmly on his mouth. She enjoyed the feeling of the warm blood flowing down her throat. She had forgotten the taste. She could feel Heath's struggles start to slow down.

She started to wonder why she had stopped this life. The taste of animal blood will have nothing on the taste of human blood. Then she glanced at Heath's face and saw the last bit of life leave. The force of her memories pulled her off of him. She remembered the look she saw on Heath's face, it was the same look that was on every human victim she has ever taken. She looked at the dead body in front of her. She quickly covered her tracks and as soon as she knew that they was no link that led to her she went to the fire escape and went up to the roof. She jumped from roof top to roof top. She couldn't focus on where she was going, she was only thinking about what she has done.

She soon ended up in a forest, she couldn't tell which one. Then she a smell drove her to change her direction. She saw a girl not anymore that 17 leaning against a tree. Carina looked at her curiously. Carina didn't have to wonder what the teen was doing out in the middle of nowhere for long. She saw something shiny in the girl's hand. The girl sliced her wrist in on swift movement. She looked so at ease. Carina didn't really look at the girl for long. She just saw red drop after red drop staining green blade after green blade. Carina ran to her and took the girl's wrist and drunk heavily. The girl made no move to stop her. She had a smile still on her face when Carina was finished. No force tore her away from her second victim.

Carina pulled back gasping for unnecessary air. She shook her head as she looked at the girl. Carina ran. She made sure not to breathe again. She ran home. Just as she was about to breathe again, she remembered Jen. She made a quick left into the forest. She made sure to be away from any form of civilization. She took out her phone and sent a text to him as quickly as she stopped shaking.

Carina stayed and waited. She was surprised to hear his approach less than a minute later.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"Nothing much. Just killed two people." Carina said bitterly.

"Drop the attitude. What happened?" He repeated.

"Jasper I messed up. I lost my control. I, I don't know what happened. It just did. I saw him and I couldn't help my self." She told Jasper what happened.

"Carina no one is perfect. Everyone is allowed to slip." Jasper said comfortingly.

"I hate it Jasper. I hate that I did it. I hate that I liked it. A lot. I hate that I want more."

"I know you don't know how many times that I slipped. I'm not going to lie and say that you'll get over it soon. You are not going to forget for a while. You are going to see yourself as a monster every time you see your reflection. It will become a distant memory that feels like a life time ago, eventually."

"Did you feel like you let everyone down? Like they can't trust you?"

"Yea, that takes a little while longer to get over." Jasper said sadly.

"Go home, tell Edward to come and fine me in five minutes. I can't go home with Jen there."

"Ok." Jasper said. He hugged her tight before leaving.

Carina started to wander around. She found a river. She looked in. She really looked at herself. There was not a single drop of blood anywhere.  Her clothes look perfect. Her hair looked like it had this morning. Then she looked at her eyes. That was all the evidence that she needed that, what happened wasn't a dream. The red over powered her eyes. There was barely any gold left. She hit her reflection.

"Hello, love." Edward said. Carina didn't turn around. She stayed looking at the ground. She was too ashamed and weak to look up. Edward sat down next to her. They didn't speak for a while.

"She was so young. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was going to commit suicide. But I shouldn't have been there and taken her life before she could change her mind. He deserved it and so much more. I took two lives in less that an hour." Carina looked ahead a she told her story. Edward sighed and pulled her to him and just held her. She wanted to close her eyes but all she saw was blood. "There is always a possibility that I will slip. I can never be as sure of my self as Carlisle."

"No one can be a sure of themselves as Carlisle. He has never had a question of what to do. All the rest of us have been ashamed of ourselves at one point or another. No matter what you do we will always accept you back."

"I'm sorry that we will have to postpone the wedding."

"It's ok, as long as you will be only mine soon, I can wait."

"Cheese ball." Carina said finally looking up at him. "I love you Edward."

"Always and forever." Edward said.

*** The next morning

"Damn the wedding has been push a week." Alice said as she looked at her phone.

"I'm not surprised." Jasper said.

"What happened yesterday?" Alice asked.

"Carina slipped." Jasper said simply.

"Poor Carina." Alice said.